Science!
Research Question
What would happen if I ate gravel?
Hypothesis
I expect to shit bricks or have a kidney stone
Procedure
1. Gather gravel from a dirt road
2. Add gravel to bowl
3. Pour milk in bowl
4. Eat gravel
5. Observe the experiment
6. Make conclusions
Results
Intense abdominal pain
Conclusion
I should not eat gravel
Finding Shamus Marshall
The Fugitive
I have recently learned that there's only one other "Shamus Marshall" in existence... And he is a fugitive from Florida.
Wanted for grand theft and battery, Shamus Marshall (the bad one) was last seen in 2016.
This man has tarnished my name and this needs to end.
For that reason I am offering a bounty of $16 and my Johnny Cash CD to whoever finds him.
Dead or Alive.
How to Beat a Farmer's Tan:
Wear a Ski Mask and Opera Gloves!
Then get tanning!
Remember to Flip Over!
Book Club
Chicka Chicka Boom Boom: A Critical Analysis
In the story, all the letters of the alphabet climb the tree before eventually collapsing and falling out of it, thus leaving the alphabet in ruin.
This is a critique on the exponential growth of civil society.
It illustrates how modern society is consuming resources faster than we can produce them and is quickly becoming unsustainable, thereby suffocating ourselves of space.
To conclude, the author asks us "Chicka Chicka Boom Boom, will there be enough room?" and the answer is no. There simply is not enough room.
Next Month: The Hungry Hungry Caterpillar and The Perils of Capitalism
E-Baptism
The Rebirth of Matt Ankenmann
My buddy actually paid for an e-baptism so here we are
The Ceremonial Burning
I mostly just added this part for theatrics
The Baptism
By the hand of God, I declare you baptized.